Chapter 9: Encouragement for the Journey Ahead

You have reached the final session. Stepfamily life is long and often tiring, so this chapter is built to encourage you. Galatians 6:9 speaks right to that: "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Paul admits that weariness is real. Doing good wears people out, especially when results are slow. His promise is about a harvest "in due season," and that phrase leaves the timing with God. The verse doesn't say what the harvest will look like, or that it will come on your schedule. Hold that gently as you read, because it fits the honest tone of this chapter.

The chapter draws on a published study of turning points in positive relationships between adult stepchildren and stepparents. As the authors apply it, the study found categories of turning points that grew out of communication. Reconciliation and problem solving showed up less often, but they still helped. The study did not look at physical touch. For an ordinary reader, the lesson is that warmth often grows from many small, honest conversations, and that even a hard moment, such as an apology or a settled disagreement, can become a step toward closeness. A moment that feels like a failure may not be the end of the story.

The authors also return to the marriage. They say a loving, supportive marriage is the best model a stepcouple can give the children, whether or not the children respond. Galatians 6:10 helps here: "So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith." Paul has the church in view, so use this verse with care. Still, it shows an order of love: good toward everyone, with special attention to those closest in a shared life. Your spouse is the nearest person in your home. Time, kindness, and attention given there are not taken from the kids. They give the children a steady place to stand.

The authors add two more encouragements. Help is available, including resources and counseling, and asking for it is wisdom, not failure. And Chapman's closing word is that ultimately love wins, even when a child never warms up. That doesn't promise a certain outcome. It says that love given faithfully is never wasted, because it makes you more like Christ and shapes the home. If you are carrying grief, depression, or deep hurt from your family, a pastor or counselor can help you carry it.

So don't give up. Do the next good thing, nurture your marriage, and leave the harvest to God.

This is the last session of the guide, so go gently. Read Chapter 9 on your own first. Then come together and each name one thing you are glad you did, or one small step you are proud of, since you started. Open with the good.

Chapman and Deal end on encouragement. In their closing thoughts, they say a loving, supportive marriage is the best model you can give the children, and that help is out there, including counseling and other resources. They also say that in the end love wins, even when a child never warms up. That last part may surprise you. It does not promise that every stepchild will come around. It says the love was still worth giving.

The chapter also draws on research about turning points in warm relationships between adult stepchildren and stepparents. The categories that stood out were built around communication. Reconciliation and problem solving came up less often, but they still helped. For you both, the encouragement is that connection often moves through conversation. You are not waiting for one big moment. A single honest talk or a repaired argument may become the point where things begin to shift.

Galatians 6 gives us language for the long haul. Paul writes, "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Think about the farmer in that picture. The seed goes in the ground, and nothing seems to happen for a long while. The farmer does not dig it up to check, and he does not blame the soil. The verse says "in due season" - God's season, not yours. It also says "if we do not give up," which tells us weariness is real, and Paul does not scold anyone for feeling it. He says to keep going.

Then Paul widens the circle: "So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith." If you both belong to Christ, you are household of faith to each other. So doing good starts at your own table, in how you speak to, listen to, and protect each other. A strong marriage is what the children see every day, whether or not they respond.

Here is the discipline for this last conversation. One of you shares fully what weariness feels like for you right now, while the other only listens to understand, with no fixing, no cheering up, and no defending. Then switch. If a question turns tense, pause and come back later. You also don't need to finish every question; a short, real conversation is enough.

If the weariness feels like more than tiredness, such as hopelessness, constant conflict, or something painful from the past, please reach out to a pastor, counselor, or trusted friend. Asking for help is a way of not giving up.

Close together. Thank God for one thing in your family, and ask Him for strength for the next small step. If one of you isn't ready to leave a hard thing, don't use prayer to rush past it. Sit with it a bit longer.