Session 6 · Matthew 6:31-33
Finding Love in All the Right Places
Seek first the kingdom, then write the silhouette
Book reading: Chapter 6: Finding Love in All the Right Places... and in All the Right Ways
Reading for today: Chapter 6, Finding Love in All the Right Places... and in All the Right Ways.
Where does a single parent even begin looking? Deal's answer in this chapter has two sides. One is a clear picture of what you are looking for. The other is a heart that trusts God while you look. Jesus' words in Matthew 6 speak to both.
Jesus is talking to people worried about ordinary needs: food, drink, clothing. Notice he doesn't scold them for having needs. He says, "your heavenly Father knows that you need them all." Companionship is a real need too. God himself said early in Genesis that it is not good for the man to be alone. So you can bring your longing to God without shame.
But Jesus also warns about longing that runs the show. "Do not be anxious," he says, and then he gives an order of priorities: "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Be careful here. This is not a promise that God will hand you a spouse. It is a promise about priorities and about a Father who knows what you need. Dating out of anxiety tends to grab whoever is available. Dating while seeking God first tends to ask better questions.
That is where Deal's silhouette idea helps. He teaches a single parent to put two outlines on paper. The first is the character of the person you hope to find. The second is the family you hope to build together. A silhouette is a shape, not a photograph. It is not hair color or a job title. It is closer to this: Does this person put God first? Are they honest, kind, and steady when they disagree? The second outline asks what kind of home you want, and how your children, and their relationship with their other parent, fit into it. Notice that Jesus mentions righteousness in the same breath as the kingdom. The character God cares about gives you the raw material for the first outline.
Write it when you are calm, not when you are lonely or flattered. Then attraction has something to be measured against.
Deal adds a few more moves. Keep the first dates mainly about the two of you getting to know each other, but do not hide the relationship from your children. Be honest about what kind of relationship you are in. Casual dating needs a clearly defined relationship so nobody is guessing. Jesus' teaching elsewhere, that your yes should simply be yes, fits here. Finally, trust God with your singleness while you pray to see the right person. Praying to see is a prayer for clear eyes, not just a full calendar.
If the season feels heavy or lonely, a pastor, counselor, or trusted friend can walk with you through it.
Key idea
Seeking God first means dating from trust instead of anxiety, with a written silhouette of the character and family you hope for.
Questions to consider
- Jesus says the Father knows what you need. What need related to companionship or family do you find hardest to hand over to God right now?
- What are three character traits that belong in your first silhouette, and what is one feature of home life that belongs in your second?
Journal prompt
Write a short prayer that names your longing honestly, then asks God to help you seek his kingdom first and to give you clear eyes.
Practice
Minimum dose: 1) Spend 10 minutes writing a list of the character qualities you hope to find in a partner. 2) Spend 10 more minutes describing the family life you hope to build, including your children. 3) Circle the three items on each list that matter most, and pray over them once this week.