Session 2 · Psalm 139:23-24
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Am I Ready to Date?
Ask God to search your motives before you start searching for someone.
Book reading: Chapter 2: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Am I Ready to Date?
David ends Psalm 139 with a bold request: "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!" He is not asking God for information. The whole psalm has just said God already knows him completely. He is asking for the kind of honesty that only happens when we invite God in. The word "grievous" points to a way that would hurt or cause pain. David wants to know if something in him is heading that direction.
That is a good prayer to pray before dating. Deal argues that healthy dating starts with looking in the mirror. He points to several things worth examining: your motives for dating, your fears (for example, a worry that your children lack a father), your loneliness, and any unresolved hurt after your loss. Each of these can quietly steer your choices. Loneliness is the sneakiest. It can make an average person look wonderful and a warning sign look small.
Proverbs 4:23 says, "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." Guarding the heart is not hiding it. It means paying attention to what is coming out of it and what is flowing in.
Deal offers a practical test: can you be content without a partner? If you cannot imagine being okay unless someone arrives, that is useful information. Paul writes in Philippians 4 that he learned to be content in whatever situation he was in. Contentment is learned, which means it may take time and practice. It does not mean you stop wanting companionship. It means the want does not run you.
Deal shares a dating prayer that asks God to bring someone who will help the person love God more, or else to give contentment in singleness. Notice how both answers are treated as good. That prayer tests your heart. Can you honestly ask for either one?
He also raises a point about modeling. Dating someone you do not love just to escape a lonely Friday night shows your children something about boundaries, and not something good. Kids watch what we do with our needs. Do we meet them with patience and prayer, or by grabbing whatever is nearby?
If loneliness or old pain feels heavy right now, you do not have to sort it out alone. A pastor, counselor, or trusted friend can help you look honestly and kindly. Take the Psalm 139 prayer slowly. God is not hunting for reasons to condemn you. He leads in the way everlasting, and he starts with the truth.
Key idea
Before dating, let God examine your motives, fears, loneliness, and unhealed hurt, and test whether you can be content without a partner.
Questions to consider
- Which of these is loudest in you right now: loneliness, fear for your children, old hurt, or simple hope? How might it be steering your thinking about dating?
- How would you honestly answer if someone asked whether you could be content for a few more years without a partner? What does that answer show you?
Journal prompt
Write your own prayer for dating in two or three sentences, asking God for a person who helps you love him more, or for contentment if that person does not come. Note any part you find hard to pray.
Practice
1. Pray Psalm 139:23-24 out loud once a day for 5 days. 2. After each prayer, spend 3 minutes writing down whatever surfaces: a motive, a fear, a hurt. 3. On day 5, circle the one that came up most and share it with a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor.