Session 2 · Romans 7:15-20
Problems: What I Learned on Television
Religious habit, brokenness, and the self at the center.
Book reading: Chapter 2
Today's reading is Chapter 2 of Blue Like Jazz.
Chapter 2 makes a sharp claim: the devil would rather have a Christian who is religious by habit, because habit keeps the heart from engaging God. Miller also says it is irritating when people who do not love you tell you what to feel. In a conversation with a friend he calls Tony the Beat Poet, he explores the idea of a sin nature outside fundamentalist circles, and how other people explain human evil. The chapter then moves to being broken, to thinking of others before yourself, and to what he calls being self-addicted. Since this is a memoir, these are Miller's observations and opinions. Test them against Scripture as you go.
Romans 7 is a good place to test them. Paul writes, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” Later he says, “For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” Paul is not describing someone who does not care. He is describing someone who wants good and cannot make himself do it. That is a stronger kind of brokenness than a few bad habits. It reaches the person who wants to change.
This lines up with Miller's worry about habit. A religious routine can look like holiness while the heart stays far away. Jesus quoted Isaiah about people who honor God with their lips while their hearts are far from him. Paul's honesty in Romans 7 is the opposite of autopilot. He is paying attention. He sees the gap between what he wants and what he does, and he names it.
The self-addiction idea fits here too. Paul keeps saying “I.” I do not do what I want. I keep doing what I hate. Notice how much of the struggle revolves around the self. We can even make our failures about us, spending our energy on self-disgust instead of looking up. Paul does not stay there. Right after this passage, he turns toward being rescued, and he gives thanks to God through Jesus Christ. The fix for a broken self is not a better-managed self. It is a rescuer.
That is why attention matters. A prayer said with full attention is a conversation. The same prayer said on autopilot is a ritual. One opens the door to being changed, and the other can leave us comfortably unchanged.
If noticing your failures sends you into a spiral of self-attack or constant fear that you are never good enough, talk with a pastor, counselor, or trusted friend. Honest attention is meant to lead you toward help, not shame.
Key idea
Brokenness means wanting good and being unable to produce it, and religious habit can hide that from us while keeping our hearts from engaging God.
Questions to consider
- Miller says habit can keep the heart from engaging God. Which of your spiritual routines have become the most automatic, and what would it look like to bring attention back to them?
- Paul keeps saying "I" in Romans 7. Where do you notice yourself at the center of your own struggles, even your spiritual ones?
Journal prompt
Write about one spiritual habit you do mostly on autopilot. What do you feel when you do it? What would change if you did it with your whole attention?
Practice
Do a one-week attention check. 1) Write down three spiritual routines you keep, such as prayer, church, or Bible reading. 2) Mark each one "attentive" or "autopilot." 3) Pick one marked autopilot and do it once this week for 10 minutes with your phone away, saying honestly to God where you are.