Book Three, Chapter 6: Christian Marriage

The Pharisees come to Jesus with a test. They ask, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” That is a question about limits: how far can a person go and still be inside the rules? Jesus doesn't answer at the level of limits. He walks them back to the beginning: “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?”

Slow down on the verbs. A person leaves. A person holds fast. The two become one. Jesus doesn't describe marriage as a feeling that shows up and stays. He describes it with things a person does. Leaving means changing who comes first, and that costs something. Holding fast is a picture of sticking to something, and sticking takes effort over a long stretch of time. Then comes the line that sets the weight of the whole matter: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Notice who does the joining. It's God. The command is aimed at the people who might pull the joined thing apart.

That gives us a way into the chapter on Christian marriage in Mere Christianity. Lewis notes that the Christian idea of marriage is unpopular, and he examines why a marriage built on the feeling of being in love is fragile. Matthew 19 lets us feel the force of that point. Feelings rise and fall with sleep, stress, money, and seasons of life. The verbs Jesus uses are ones a person can still do on a day when the feeling is gone. That doesn't make romance a bad thing. It means romance is a shaky floor if it is the only floor.

The Pharisees push back: “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” Jesus says, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” A hard heart is one that won't bend. Then he adds, “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Faithful Christians have read that exception, and the question of remarriage, in different ways, and many hold their view with real conviction. That is a good reason to read the passage humbly and to treat people whose marriages have ended with gentleness, not as if this passage were a verdict on their worth.

One plain word of care: a lifelong commitment never means you must stay near someone who is hurting or threatening you. If you are living with abuse or fear, or carrying the pain of a divorce, please talk with a pastor, counselor, or trusted friend.

If you're single, the same verbs reach you wherever you've given your word to someone or something: leave, hold fast, keep showing up. The question for every reader is what your commitments are standing on.