Becoming the Beloved, III: Broken

Most of us deal with pain in one of two ways. We hide it, or we try to hurry it out the door. In the chapter on being broken, Nouwen starts from the claim that everyone is broken, and that each person lives their brokenness as something intimate and unique. Nobody else carries your exact version. His first suggestion is surprising: befriend it. Don't deny the pain, and don't rush to be rid of it. He draws on his own experience of depression and treatment, and says that facing pain is a first step through it.

Paul gives us a window into this in 2 Corinthians 12. He says "a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me." Scripture never tells us what the thorn was. That leaves room for your thorn to sit beside his. Notice what Paul does not do. He doesn't pretend it's fine, and he doesn't act as if stronger faith would make it vanish. He says, "Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me." That is a kind of befriending: saying plainly to God that this hurts and you want it gone.

Then comes the answer, and it isn't the one Paul asked for. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." The thorn stays. What changes is how Paul sees it. It could have been proof that he was lacking or cut off. Now it is the place where Christ's power rests. He says he will boast gladly of his weaknesses "so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

This lines up with the next move Nouwen names. He calls us to pull our brokenness out of the shadow of the curse and into the light of the blessing. The curse tells a story: this pain proves you are defective, unwanted, too much. The blessing tells the truth: you are beloved, and this wound lies inside that love, not outside it. In Nouwen's telling, held in that light, brokenness can slowly become a source of communion and hope. You can see a trace of that in Paul. He writes about his weakness openly to a church, and it ties him to them rather than separating him from them.

A few cautions matter here. Paul isn't saying pain is good, and he isn't telling you to grin through it. He says he is content "for the sake of Christ," which is different from pretending. And befriending your brokenness doesn't mean doing it alone. If your pain is heavy, such as depression, trauma or grief, please bring it to a pastor, a counselor or a trusted friend who can listen well. Nouwen's mention of his own treatment is a reminder that getting help is part of facing pain, not a failure of faith.

So here is the question for today: what is your thorn, and what story has it been telling about you?