Chapter 8: Chocolate, Flowers, Bait Fishing

Most of us have a mental picture of romance: dinner, flowers, a card with a nice note. Feldhahn's chapter asks a wife to hold that picture loosely. She argues that men who seem reluctant about romance often do want it but feel clumsy at it, because women's kinds of romance feel unnatural to them. Many men, she says, find shared activity, such as going out to play, a sport or a project, to be the most romantic thing of all.

She adds a tender warning. A man will risk looking foolish to try something romantic, but he can shut down for a long time if he is teased about a flawed attempt. She urges women to credit his desire for connection and to see his different forms of romance as invitations.

Now listen to the Song. The beloved says, "Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone." Notice the movement: it is an invitation to come away together. The lover does not hand over a gift and leave. He calls her outside, into a shared season, "The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come." The romance is a walk through a changing spring.

The Song doesn't tell us how everyone should do romance. But it does show that romance in Scripture is partly a shared outing and a shared delight, not only a symbol. Words matter, and so does company.

So consider what this means for the clumsy attempt. Maybe he suggests a drive, a game, a hardware-store errand, a hike, or a project in the garage. It might not look like what you'd write on a card. But in the book's framing, he may be saying, "Come away with me." Receiving it with warmth is its own form of the yes the beloved in the Song gives.

The other half is you. You can also ask for what makes you feel loved, kindly and clearly. A man who feels safe to try is more likely to learn. Teasing makes him stop trying; a smile and a thank-you give him courage.

This is a moment to name something specific: one shared activity you will count as a date. It could be a short walk after dinner, a round of mini golf, a project together, or watching his game with real interest. Put it on the calendar so it is more than a hope.